Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Anniversary Gift


Every time a birthday or an anniversary comes around we always ask, what did you get? What did you give? Well, this year marks my fifteen year wedding anniversary. I didn't want to buy him anything. I honestly have no clue what to give him. After twenty years of being together and giving gifts that eventually end up in a dark closet I figured I would try something different.

I took it upon myself to write my hubby something, something that wouldn't end up in a dark closet or drawer or just sitting on shelf.  I figured why not give him something he can keep with him.



This is what I came up with:



I’m the girl no one noticed - not one person looked at me because I never called attention to myself. I wanted to blend into the wall – to be a wallflower or a fly on the wall. That’s who I was. Until you found me. I was a scared and lonely seventeen year-old who could put up a front like no other. I had an awesome mask that was so solid no one could see through it.

I’ll never forget the day I saw you outside of work. You saw me, waved, and said hello. Work with you was always fun and lively, but I paid for it. I was questioned, drilled, and those around me tried to put me in my place. But my defenses were always up. My mask was my shield - my armor. It gave me the strength to stand up for myself and to tell the world to fuck off. Years later you reminded me my dukes were always up.

When we were getting closer, I was scared. I was told about your intentions and finally let the words I heard from a wise woman sink in. She said, “don’t chase after who you want, follow the one that wants you.” You wanted me, yet you weren’t the man I had pictured myself with. I broke your heart more times than I care to admit, but you always came back. You always found me. Fate? I think so because I firmly believe that what is meant to be together finds its way home - always.

Fifteen years ago, I remember going out with my friend. I never had many friends back then. You were and still are my world, my best friend, and my everything. Weeks before we said I do, the same friend took me out and in my drunken state all I wanted was you. You were who I wanted to be with, to see, to spend my time with. I must have made her crazy because she was happy when I passed out. No longer did she have to listen to me talk about you over and over.

Our journey to the altar wasn’t easy or traditional, but you were there. You were always there. You put up with me through the abusive relationship I had with my dad and with the role I played at home. You were ok with it all. In fact, you told me you would do anything to be with me at the end no matter how bad things were.

You have been my strength for so long that I don’t know where I would be without you. Thank you so much for that, for breaking me and helping to mold me into the woman I am today. Never did I see myself here, not because I thought we wouldn’t make it, but because I never knew what a happy and healthy relationship was. Now that I do, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In the last 15 years, I’m not the only one who has grown. We’ve grown as both individuals and as a couple. We have overcome heartache after losing our baby. Then, we had no clue our second child was on his way until half way through the pregnancy. Because of our hard times, we have become each other’s support system. When things got tough we could have given up or looked the other way, but not us. We held each other up and found a way to overcome our situation. We grew stronger because of our struggles.

Now, here we are. You saw something in me then and you still do today. I have the worst self-esteem, yet you find a way to always tell me how you see me. You’re always able to make me feel those damn butterflies and the security I read about in the books I love to get lost in. You are my forever boyfriend.

Thank you for seeing me when I was hiding from the world. Thank you for loving me, for accepting me, and for saving my life. I had my death all planned out, but you brought light into my life. Light I didn’t know existed. For that, you are my savior. You found me when I needed to be found. Maybe I wasn’t looking for you, but you were always looking for me.

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